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I wrote this silly ballad for MeiLin Miranda, my lovely digital novelist compadre and webmistress. It features characters from her serial The Intimate History of the Greater Kingdom used in a silly fashion.
There once was a young man named Temmin
Who's hair was the colour of lemon.
To his good man, one Jenks,
He said, 'Sir, now this stinks!
'You know I'd much rather be gamin!'
That Jenks is one hon'rable fellow,
He hates when his master's not mellow.
So to Temmin he said,
'Now please sir, your good cred
'Will vanish if that I did allow!"
Now Temmy is all getting huffy.
Says he, 'Jenks, you know that's enough, eh?
'Am I prince or not, sir?
'I'll do what I wot, sir!
'So please stop! You're being so stuffy!'
Prince Temmin storms out in a hurry.
He knows that he needs now to scurry,
For if he does not then
The Teacher will get men
To make sure that Temmin's fun's buried!
He hurries now out of the castle.
'This prince thing is really a hassle.
'Everyone's got their nose
'In my fun and old clothes.
'I wish once I was just a vassal!'
Now Teacher this careless wish he heard,
And he thought Temmin was such a turd.
'The lad, he knows nothing,
'His head's full of stuffing,
'I'll make sure he regrets every word!'
Disappearing, poof!, through a mirror,
Made the Teacher see things much clearer.
When Temmin gets winning
He’ll see to the pinning,
And Temmy will learn princedom’s dearer.
Teacher’s plot is finished, he sits back
Patiently. Now Temmy enters the shack.
To the table he strides,
Let’s his winnings all ride
Till he’d gotten up quite a big stack!
From the dark comes Teacher rolling in.
Temmy jumps, and Teacher gives a grin.
‘Now young man,’ says he,
“What’s the wager to be?
‘I’ll take all that you have and still win.’
Temmy glared at this man, his Teacher,
Saying, ‘Now those words you will eat, Sir!’
Temmy rolled out those dice
And the Gods they weren’t nice,
His winnings were taken by Teacher!
“I say! Teacher, this just can’t be done!
‘You are making this gambling no fun!”
Temmin jumped up in rage,
Threw his drink at a page.
“Now Teacher give me back what you’ve won!”
That Teacher just smiled at his ease,
“Now my boy, you will need to say please.
‘The wager was fair, sir.
‘I hope you don’t dare slur
‘My good name. Your request is a tease.”
Temmin turned on Teacher, “I dare you!
‘With one card we will see who is who!”
That one card flipped up
And it was a two cup,
But that Teacher, he got more than two.
With a grunt and a growl, he grabbed Tem
By his ear Teacher pulled, not his hem.
Through a nice shiny plate
This did ‘disapparate’,
And appeared near the village of Wem.
“My dear Prince, you once said you were bored.
‘That this Prince thing was just such a chore!
‘Let’s see how much you like
‘To stay and build a dike.
‘And after the farmer has much more.”
Teacher stood in his cloak and he watched
To make sure that the job was not botched.
The sweaty young princeling
Was cursing and wincing,
And his clean shirt with dirt was now swatched.
Now that dike is not all the he dug.
Temmin grubbed in the dirt for some slugs,
Put compost on the grass
Till he smelled like an ass
And looked like something the cat had drug.
A sad Prince, he said to his Teacher,
‘Please now, I don’t want you to preach, sir,
‘But my lesson is learned,
‘To my home can I return?
‘I’ve had nearly nothing to eat, sir.”
But Teacher he just shook his grey head.
“One night you will spend in peasant bed,
‘On the morrow, young lad,
‘For princedom you’ll be glad.”
And he took Temmin down to the shed.
A good night’s sleep it was clearly not.
For Temmin had such a tiny cot,
That he tossed and he turned
Till his calluses burned,
And he felt that his body would rot.
When Teacher returned on the morrow,
Young Temmy, his head hung in sorrow,
Said, “I’ll be a good sport
‘And with nobles cavort
‘A proper young prince all tomorrows.”
Teacher grinned at this alteration.
Young Temmin could now lead the nation!
But first there was Allis,
And fun at the palace,
And… oh what a confabulation!